Three weeks ago from this past Friday I stood on the “safe side” of the curtain in wet lab. I stood there crying as I told my TA that I just didn’t want to go in and see the cadavers. It had suddenly hit me that there was a real possibility that I COULDN’T do it. I was terrified to say the least. It was a year’s worth of anxiety and dread all converging onto one day. I couldn’t believe the day had finally come…that I was standing where I was, drowning in my oversize lab coat and clutching my clipboard to my chest. I had envisioned the moment a million times, in a million different ways. Rarely did I picture myself surviving the experience.
“I’m just going to take my time going in,” I told the TA. “I promise, I won’t let myself fall behind.” It’s not in me to let myself fall behind, yet I somehow doubted myself in this case. “You won’t let yourself fall behind?! How the hell are you going to avoid falling behind when you can’t even walk into the lab with the cadavers?!” I thought to myself. Seriously, how was I expecting to pass a class that consisted of quizzes and exams that involved cadavers if I couldn’t even look at them?! The TA looked concerned. It’s physical therapy school. It moves fast. It doesn’t take long to fall behind and I was off to an incredibly slow start.
As I mentioned in my previous posts, I wound up walking in and eventually seeing the bodies. Each day in lab has proven to be more successful than the last. Only 3 weeks and I’ve conquered so much! It was the quiz last Friday that would determine just how far I have come.
I got my dry lab quiz score a couple days ago. A 23.5 out of 24. Not bad at all! I thought dry lab was harder than wet lab, so I was pleased to find that I still managed to do very well. The wet lab part of the quiz was still being graded and I was anxiously waiting to see how I did….
26 out of 24
Yes, over 100%. Unbelievable. I somehow managed to surprise even myself.
Three weeks ago I stood there crying in lab and saying I wouldn’t let myself fall behind while fully doubting those words as they came out of my mouth. I stand here, three weeks later, a stronger, braver, more confident person than I’ve ever been. I didn’t let myself fall behind. I pushed myself and got ahead. I was the the least likely to succeed. I was the one everyone knew about…the girl that couldn’t handle cadaver lab…the one who cried the first day…the one who the professors have to check up on every now and then to make sure she’s okay.
I’ll always be that person. Yes, I couldn’t handle cadaver lab. I still don’t like the idea of going in. I can’t take back the fact that I cried the first day. And the professors will continue to ask me if I’m doing okay (mainly because I always look like I’m going to pass out). But I’m adding something new to the list….I’m going to be the girl that fought her way over the obstacle. And if it takes all those negative things to form this one positive one, then it was all worth it. I’m quite happy with this new person I’m starting to become 🙂
“Success isn’t how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.”
-Steve Prefontaine
**I see that I’ve been getting some visitors to the site through searches on cadaver lab. If you have any questions…let me know! I’ve been in your shoes!
The Life of a DPT Student 
Sounds like you’re doing very well overcoming your fears and anxiety! I know it’s an uphill battle. I’m about to graduate nursing school and I found out things that I never thought would bother me really get me down. But we just have to keep our chins up, push through, and we can make it!
Thanks! 🙂 You’re almost done with nursing school?! How exciting! I have a friend on facebook that’s always posting things about how much stuff she has to get done for nursing school! I bet you’re in need of a good nap! 🙂 Thanks again for your comment! It’s nice to hear from someone who is almost out!